Unconditional Love

I've made a discovery. It's nothing new and I've known about this for some time. But now, I know.

As a child from a dysfunctional family, my understanding of what is normal is screwed up. I don't want to get into the whole discussion of what is normal, blah blah blah. I do want to talk about love and how in my family it was witheld and conditional.

My feelings were not regarded in the context of knowing something was wrong and unjust and that instead of anything being fixed or changed, I was ignored and shamed. My feelings of self-preservation were noted as me being a bitch and again, I was shamed. I 'm not talking about me getting my way or being allowed to do what I wanted to do. No, I'm talking about my body being my own and having boundaries that were healthy. Knowing that my parents loved me for being me and for being their child. I never felt safe. Never felt ok with being in my own body. Never felt ok just being me.

I've never felt loved like that. Not by my parents. And this weekend, I saw how it continues to affect me. How unhealthy and off-center I still am/can be. I am going to be 45 in one month and I am STILL hounded by my unhealthy childhood.

ugh.

So, unconditional love. I will work everyday to love myself unconditionally and make damn sure that my own children know that I love them in the manner that I deserved and didn't get. No shaming, no demeaning, no belittling.

Love is all you need. Love is all I need.