Strings and more strings

Just got home from my first violin lesson.  I decided this summer I was going to learn and try new things.  Perfect timing when a friend posted on face book offering adult violin lessons.  For my birthday, my mom gave me my great grandfather's violin.  We think that he made the violin and that it's @100 years old.  It has a beautiful, warm tone and I couldn't be more thrilled.  :-)

Today, my new ukulele was delivered.  Sean ordered me an Oscar Schmidt Koa uke for my birthday.  It's lovely!  Again, warm tone.  When Sean played it he commented on how happy it sounded... perfect!

Now, there are a few more things on my list to do this summer.  In summers past, I have played in the community band and done summer theater.  As much as I've enjoyed both of those activities, I decided not to do either this year.  I need a break from the band people and I'm not in the mood for the crazy that comes with the theater.  So instead, I'm doing the violin and starting an exercise program.  I figure instead of memorizing lines, I can put one foot in front of the other. 

And, go...

Straight Ones!

Ethan received straight ones for his tuba solo today at state contest!  I'm SO proud of his hard work and determination!

Superior

Concert Choir received straight one ratings at state contest.  I'm so proud of the one in sight reading!  Chamber Choir also received a one rating.  I picked a very difficult piece Soneto de la Noche and have worried since January about the score.  My kids never cease to amaze me though.  They rise to the occasion every time!

Almost Forgot

Some things I almost forgot from last year...

Changed churches.
Aidan got baptized.
Ethan got his license.
Had my first student make All-State Choir!
Had a wonderful Christmas minus the illness(es).

New Year

Here I am at the start of a new year.  After being sick for all of Christmas break, I'm looking forward to feeling better.

This is the year I will turn 50.  I am dreading all the over the hill jokes, age jokes, etc...

Just read a great idea about making resolutions.  Instead of a year list, make a monthly list.  So for this month, I will bring a healthy lunch and drink more water everyday. 

Alex is moving out today.  I'm excited for him to start this new chapter.  He's moving in with Bryant who he has been friends with through thick and thin. He is still dating Taran and after spending Thanksgiving with her, I'm glad they found each other.  She's got a good head on her shoulders and is someone I could see him with for a long time.  Hopefully this will be the year Alex starts school again.  Can't wait to see where this year takes him.

Ethan will be 17 in four days.  Can't stop shaking my head and wondering where the time has gone.  With him, I've spent most of it in the car driving to practices and lessons.  He's happy, healthy and makes good decisions.  Can't ask for more.

Aidan is seeming to love high school and has made many new friends.  It's a joy to see him be happy and hear him laugh.  He's still a puzzle to me and I look forward to watching him grow and see who he is.

Sean is getting ready to start his last class for his MBA.  I'm proud of how hard he's worked and all the while gotten a promotion and new position which he loves.  He's terribly worried about money and I just keep telling him it will all be ok....

Barkley was sick at the beginning of break with an ear infection but he's back to his usual tricks now.  He brings so much joy and happiness to our whole family.  He is the perfect dog for us.

Here's to a great year.

18th

Ethan auditioned for All-State band yesterday.  He is ranked 18th in the state!  I'm soooo proud of him and all his hard work preparing for his audition!

District Band

Ethan is 2nd chair All District band!  Woot!

YES!!! KHS Choir Student Selected to All-State Choir!

First student in 10 years and mine to boot!  Woot!  Congratulations to Caitlin!  She worked so hard on her audition and helping other students.  I'm SO proud!

Headed to ....

Tomorrow is district choir which means all-state auditions.  I have several students in the striking range of making state.  I would SO love to have them make state choir.  It would be a boost to our program.  We leave at 5:45am so off to bed early I will go. 

I love political ads. Said no one ever.

How Does It Feel

Great school year thus far.
Hard to believe it's been almost (3 days shy) a year since I lost my beautiful Mori.  I still cry when I think about him...
Hard to believe it's been only a year since I fell in love with my Barkley.  Ü
This political season has turned me totally off the news - which makes it hard to keep up with the weather forecast.  Ü

Summer 2012

Well one week from today I'll be sitting in our annual back to school meeting.  This summer I learned some things about myself.

1.  I don't do well AT ALL without a schedule.  I can waste hours of time doing absolutely nothing at all if I don't have something to get ready for, do, etc.
2.  By "don't do well" I also mean I don't like how I feel without a schedule.  Anxiety is the best word I can come up with at this time.
3.  I don't have a lot of people who want to spend time with me and vice versa.  This includes my family.

So now that I have one week left, how am I going to spend my time? 
1.  floating in my pool
2.  reading books
3.  finishing Ethan's second sock
4.  cleaning computer desk
5.  steaming carpets
6.  cleaning my bedroom
7.  staying up late and sleeping in!!

Being private about certain areas of my life. But want to acknowledge here that I started my journey on June 23rd. I am determined and excited to see what happens along the way. This summer I'm learning that I need a schedule or I don't get anything accomplished. Too much free time leads to anxiety. Too much screen time leads to feelings of sadness and loathing.

Long and Winding Road

What a long school year it has been...

Some VERY intense students.  Lost my dog.  Sean in school.  23 students in district choir.  1 all-state alternate.  Concert Choir and Chamber Choir receiving I superior ratings at state!!  8 solos and 2 ensembles made state contest.  Ethan going to state on tuba solo and brass quartet.  Ethan playing both soccer and tennis.  Ethan lettering in tennis!!  Alex finishing at MACC.  Alex moving back home.  Aidan graduating from 8th grade!  (what the hell!!!)  VERY intense students ready to graduate.  Lots of great kids next year!

This summer I plan to:  walk, read LOTS of great books, learn some new music, organize house and yard, train Barkley, watch Ethan and Aidan play tennis, spend time with my family, maybe see a concert or two, re-charge my battery...

Carpe diem!

Lots of Changes

2011 brought about lots of changes.
Finished my first year in my new and totally fabulous position!
Got I ratings at state with chamber & concert choir!
Alex moved into his own place
Mori got sick
After 6 months, Mori passed on.
Ethan made district band
Aidan made district band
Sean started an MBA program
Sean loves his MBA program
We met and fell in love with Barkley!

Roman

IMAG0077, a photo by murphymomx3 on Flickr.

I think he loves it!

Anything Goes!

IMAG0074, a photo by murphymomx3 on Flickr.

Ethan

IMAG0068, a photo by murphymomx3 on Flickr.

Letter jacket!

Barkley

IMAG0065, a photo by murphymomx3 on Flickr.

Barkley

So Very

On Friday, October 21st, our family welcomed a new puppy to our home. To say that Barkley has healed our hearts is an understatement.





Ethan got his much wanted letterman's jacket. He made all-district choir and all-district band this fall! He is auditioning for all-state band next week. Ü





I had a student selected for all-state choir as an alternate! Very happy and hope it's the first of many to come. I had 23 students make all-district choir which is the most we've ever taken!





Sean is working on his MBA and loves studying & learning although I don't think he'd admit that to just anyone.





Aidan is loving life at the moment. What a change from 7th grade. He's an ambassador and just found out he made the district band for middle school!!





Alex is still loving living on his own. He seems happy and is going back to school this spring. I can't wait to see what he decides to study...





I directed another play with Denise. The kids did a fantastic job and fun was had by all.

I miss my dog.

Mori

Mori was the best of the best. A gift in every way. Rest my loved friend. I already miss you.

Good to Be Back

Just finished the first week back to school. Very tiring but verrrry satisfying! I can't believe I get to do what I do all day long!!

Just Finished

I just finished 3 great books! I have been reading reading reading for the last few days and Oh how I love a good book!!

Major Pettigrew's Last Stand

Shanghai Girls

Peony in Love

Today, I am starting Homeland.

Getting There

I'm getting ready. Getting ready. Ready to get out of town for a week. Ready to get back to a schedule. Ready to start the new school year. Ready to enjoy the last bit of summer!!

Blues

For me, Facebook has become a place where I go and feel unhappy with my life. I used to love reading about what my friends were doing. Now, I just feel unhappy with what I'm not doing. Everyone's life sounds so exciting compared to mine. Vacations, business trips, hanging out with friends, dinner dates, etc etc etc.

Part of the issue is I am spending WAY too much time reading about all the fabulous plans everyone has. WAY too much time. When I look back at this summer, I'm afraid I will remember it as the summer of indecision and unhappiness. Not how I want to be living my life.

I have plenty of things to do in my own fabulous life. Plenty. The problem is, none of them sound or look glamorous or exciting when compared to trips abroad, trips to the coast, and just trips to the nearest city.

I don't post everything I do on facebook. I don't want to live my life so publicly. I don't post every single picture I take or every single thing I do throughout the day. Way too public for me.

Instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing, I need to get busy living my life.

Consider

I guess I have to consider it a job well done that my oldest is moving into his own place this weekend. I guess we (sean & i) did our best with him and that he is able to move into his own place.

This parenting thing is ... not sure what the right word is. I can't believe how much energy time passion love emotions sweat worry grief joy pride and regret I have put into this relationship only to have him move out.

But I guess, it's really the goal from the start! My head keeps telling me that but my heart is screaming something different.

While I'm excited for him and happy for him and happy that his younger brothers will no longer have to share a room (YIPPPPEEEE) I can't help but be a wee bit sad for me.

So, I keep reminding myself to consider the job I've done and sigh a big sigh when I remember it's only 3 more years until the next one will be ready to leave.

just

be nice.

Winding Down

Whew! This semester has been a whirlwind of contests, concerts and rehearsals! I had NO idea how busy I was going to be!

And, I could not be happier. Ü

One!

Ones for both choirs! Woot!

Thank You

Today, one of my students told me thank you. He looked me in the eye and told me thank you. It was one of the nicest things I have ever had said to me.

Heartbroken

Tonight, I am heartbroken. My friend lost her father tonight. He had not been ill, so it was completely unexpected.

Never miss the opportunity to tell the people in your life that you love them. Never. We do not know when it will be our time.

Are you happy? Are you spending your time with people you love doing the things you love? I am. I spent many years not doing so, but finally, I know that I am.

My friend and her family are in my prayers. May they know the peace that passes all understanding.

Honestly

Another award show? Another opportunity to watch famous people give themsevles more awards and praise?

How about an award show for people that help people. Really help people.

Wouldn't work would it. There's no money or glamour in helping kids learn how to read, or helping special needs children learn to feed themselves, or facilitating learning. We can't sell commericals for that! Who would want to buy a beautiful ball gown or put on a tuxedo for that?

Pondering

I have a lot of people that I call friend. According to facebook, I have 463 "friends". How is it then, that I have no one I talk to on a daily basis except for my husband and children?

In my new job, I spend most of the day talking to my students and not other teachers. Maybe it's because I work with much older kids now and you can actually talk to them (not about personal things, calm down)and I don't really work with a team. It took me a few days to get used to this new level of interaction. Older kids are much more into who you are and what you think and they watch EVERY move you make. In my new position, I'm much more isolated from other adults, well except for Dee. Ü

Maybe I'm not a good friend. Maybe the people I used to think were my friends were really just people I saw at work and we were work friends. Adult friendship is tricky. Balancing family time, work time, personal time and friend time. Maybe I'm just being sensitive and blah blah blah.

Books & Things

Just finished reading "The Last Chinese Chef". I can't remember the last time I so enjoyed a book. I learned about Chinese cooking, meal preparation and some Chinese history.

I've started working on "Into the Woods" with the TSU theater department. Great cast - going to be another wonderful experience.

Getting ready for contest... lots to learn about entering events in the computer, making sure the song selections are on the PML, entering the right number of groups and solos, getting everyone to practice, memorizing GERMAN, scheduling ensembles to practice when EVERYONE is present.

And just because I didn't have enough going on, I started a show choir. Yes, that's right, a show choir. Some of my happiest memories of high school were show choir. I know that going to those rehearsals and play practice were the only things that kept me alive at the time.

Not sure why I'm really writing all of this down, but wanted to keep track of what's going on in my life right now.

Snow!

We are on snow day #3. And to add insult to injury, it is -16 this morning!!

Today is my 21st wedding anniversary. Twenty-one years. Whee! It's been quite a ride!

Best Ever (that i can remember)

Today marks the end of the Christmas/New Year break. Instead of dreading going back to work, I am actually feeling.... joyful. Yes, joyful.

I made these over break...

They are ornaments for my boys. Love them!

I watched movies, played card games, played a keytar(rock band 3), cooked, laughed, played banjo, played guitar, sang, cleaned, loved and dreamed these past 10 days.

My dad came for Christmas. It was the first Christmas morning I have spent with him since I was in 8th grade. It was good to have him here with my family. Oddly enough, I don't think I took any pictures. Instead, I just enjoyed the moment.

So Very Proud

Knitting Socks

Christmas 2010 was a good one. New phones, new clothes, and first Christmas with my dad since I was in 8th grade!

Knitting socks is my plan for break. Alex really, really wants me to knit him socks so I must oblige!

The Stuff That Dreams...

Tonight was a dream and a prayer come true.

I am so very very blessed. Making music with people, sharing music with kids young and old, spending all day singing, talking about, listening to, practicing music... so blessed.

Is spite of myself, I am right where I'm supposed to be, doing what I was meant to do.

My mom was right.

'Tis the Season

I would love to know why/how all the lights for our Christmas tree magically stop working over the year while sitting in storage.

Honestly

I don't know what is wrong with some people. Their mom's obviously didn't tell them what mine did... if you can't say something nice, keep your f-ing mouth shut. (my mom didn't say the f-word but it needed to be said here)

Seriously.

Answered

My prayer was answered! I am so blessed!

The Joke Is On Me

I knew I would love this new job. I knew it but I know I didn't understand how it might change my life.

I am tired. Bone tired. I am tired from working so hard to herd 90 very bright, very outgoing, very ALIVE high school students every afternoon. I am tired from having 4 rehearsals before school each week. I am tired from play practice every evening until 9ishPM(next week until 10PMish). I am tired from being "0n" the entire day.

What I didn't see coming... I didn't expect to love 6th and 7th and 8th graders with as much passion as I do. They are the start of my day and the zany, creative, inquisitive, funny, curious, appreciative students I have are such a joy!

I also didn't expect to worry and care and fret over my high school students. I had several students struggle with life this week... eligibility, getting kicked out of their home, car accidents, grades, college decisions, and depression.

Tomorrow, I am taking 8 students to a music festival. Six of these students are eligible to audition for the All State Choir. No matter the outcome, they are All State in my heart. I am so blessed to get to be a part of this with them.

All the days and weeks and months that I despaired that I wouldn't ever feel the joy and pain and fulfillment and exhaustion that I feel right now... Silly, silly me.

ARGH!

Just having one of those days. I guess I now understand that "those" days or moments only help me to better appreciate the other days!

5 Minutes

Just wait 5 minutes. Things will be better. And if they aren't, wait 5 more.

Autumn

Fall is my favorite season. Love the cooler temps, chill in the air, color of the landscape, color orange, pumpkin spiced EVERYTHING, and knowing the holidays are coming.

Now that I am older, the one thing about fall I don't like is the political season. How people can call themself a Christian and be so unloving is something I cannot fathom.

Still

lovin' every minute of it!

I have pinched myself and I know I am awake.

It's really true.

I get to play, sing, listen, talk about, teach, think about music all day long.

Woot!

City

This summer, our vacation plans changed at the last minute. We decided to head to Chicago and spend some time with my sister and her family.

We headed to the city the first day there. I used to spend a lot of time downtown when I was a student at Illinois State University. Part of me would love to live there. Another part of me was very grateful to arrive back in Kirksville.

Playing Favorites

Do you have favorites? Favorite food, books, clothes, color, music, people?

What makes these things your favorite? Habit? Familiarity? P0pularity?

I have been in pain this summer and trying to figure out why. Why am I in pain? Why am I sad? Today, I realized it's because I am not a favorite. And it hurts. It hurts to inhale and exhale. I have to be careful to not breathe too deeply or I might crack open.

There are things I could do to make myself a favorite, but I cannot bring myself to do them. It goes against everything I am.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I don't think I've ever done so much laundry in my life! Or cooking! Or cleaning! Or laundry!

Oh my goodness!

When you are playing two different sports in each day, you have to change your shirt 3 times... sweat soaked doesn't even begin to describe how the shirts are coming home! Ick!

And the socks! OMG the socks!

24 on the 24th

Well the test was interesting.

Ethan won 4th place in show me games tennis.

I am cleaning my house... no one is home but me...

School starts in 24 days.

I've got A LOT to do.

Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling.

32

days is a long time to be without a car. Especially when you live in a town without public transportation.

Just sayin'.

Hmmm

I've been busy... I can't wait to felt and line!

5 Days In

Already, this month is looking better than the last.

This month, so far, can just bite me.

No joke

Not even kidding... just washed a pack of gum. Totally my fault too!

For me, Facebook is a great place to make sure you feel worse than you already do.

I have decided I am not good at suffering silently.

Or perhaps I am.

Beautiful

Life is just what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

And who should come to our rescue? Our oldest son, Alex.

Broken down car (twice). Rain/thunderstorm. No mechanics open past noon. One hour away from home. Three families stop on the freeway to help (all Kirksville families)! No yelling. No arguing.

Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer. Every day in every way it's getting better and better.

jlennon - beautiful boy

Mad Hatter

Why is that break has just started and I already feel behind. Hmmm.

I've got lots to do... lots I want to do and lots I need to do. Now that the dust has settled a bit, I am making a plan to get it all done and still have time to just chill.

Family

I love the idea of my family visiting me. I have come to the realization that the actual visit is never as pleasant as I anticipate.

Ugh.

Grateful

I feel so blessed, so lucky, so grateful so...

If you've been praying for me, thank you.
If you've been sending me vibes, thank you.

I believe that if we step out in faith, if we follow our dreams, ask for help, if we put ourselves out there, good things will happen.

Getting this job - getting to work with kids and sing, play and listen to music everyday is a dream come true.

Oh

please please please please please please please please pleasepleaseplease.

Dream Big

I am dreaming big.

I believe that good things will happen for me.

I believe.

Oh

So that's where you've been. Welcome back good news. Welcome back.

Finally

I'm doing it! Woot!

Hey 19

I was supposed to meet you on April 23rd but you were late. I was so anxious and excited to finally meet you, learn your name and get to know you as a person. But you weren't quite ready for the trip.

April 25th, my doctor sent me to the hospital and told me that you were on your way. Many, many, many hours later you decided to make an appearance. 44 and 1/2 hours later to be precise.

Imagine my surprise to learn you were not who we were expecting. All along, we had been preparing for a girl. The nurse told us that, the doctor told us that and your heartbeat told us that. You showed us all that the best things in life are sometime the least expected!

After all, I didn't even know you were to be until you were 18 1/2 weeks along. Again, imagine my surprise!

You see, I had begun to doubt ever having another surprise. I had lost your brother only a year before this and another sibling earlier that year. I think you kept yourself hidden for so long to keep me from worry.

Your name came from a frantic trip to a bookstore on your due date. I had decided, much to your father's chagrin that the name we had picked for a son wasn't the right name. So, off to the bookstore at the mall to pick another name. I know this sounds like there wasn't a lot of thought put into picking your name but that is not the case. Your middle name comes from two of the finest men I have ever had the privilege to know and to call grandpa. Your dad and I both loved our grandpa's and wanted you to carry that love with you. Your first name is a name of greatness. It is Greek in origin and means man's defender, warrior. You my son, are living up to that name. Anyone that knows you or has taken the time to get to know you understands what a warrior and defender of men you are.

I can still see my grandma's face when she first saw you in the airport. She was so excited and proud and in awe of you. She loved you from the moment she knew you.

As for your grandma, my mom... I will never forget the look on her face when she first saw you. All she could say was how beautiful you were. My mom loved being a mom but she is truly in her element being a grandma. You have been such a gift for her life. And the biggest part of that is the hope you brought to her. Hope that her life could once again be happy. Hope in watching you grow and learn and love. You are the best gift I could ever have given her.

I'm so glad we finally got to meet 19 years ago today. You have changed my life in more ways than you will ever know, well at least until you become a dad.

I love you son!

Frat

I want to remember last night so I'm going to write about it...

Deadwood was asked to play for a frat party... something about a Don Ho celebration. We laughed and talked about how starting to play at 10:30pm was going to test our endurance. I took a nap so that I would be wide awake and ready to sing my heart out late into the night, or early into the morning as it happened to be...

It was raining, pouring actually when my husband dropped me off at the frat house. Luckily, I have overcome my fear of going places alone and trying to find people I know when I arrive at the designated spot. Actually, this is a fear I forced myself to work through in college. Long before I knew what cognitive therapy was I was engaging in my own private practice with myself as my client.

Anyway, upon arrival, I found 2 of my bandmates and they showed me where we would be performing. Entering the house was like stepping back in time. The noise, the smells, the mess, the energy, the bodies... none of it had changed.

We had to wait for the band playing before us to wrap up their set. While we waited I spoke with some of the most polite young men I've met in a long time. Two of them were sober working. I didn't know what that meant and they explained that they stayed sober so their friends could get drunk and not have to worry about the cops, noise, or being safe. It was their job to worry and control the crowd.

One young man, Kevin let me use the bathroom in his room when he found out that the bathroom in the commons was beyond use. Kevin, your kindness will not be forgotten!

Once we started our set, the real fun began. The crowd loved us! They danced, cheered, sang along, encouraged, smiled and had such a great time! We played and played and played into the wee hours of the morning.

And today, I fully understand why going to frat parties is best done when you are in your late teens/early twenties. Ü

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

click the link... it's worth it i promise

No Payment, Kiss or Even a Thank You

Ever heard that saying... nothing like getting screwed and not getting kissed, thanked or paid.

I know what that feels like and I am beyond done. You can screw with me but not my family.

Especially not my family.

Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month....

Mother to Son
Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor -
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you find it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now -
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Far Away

It's days like these that I so miss living near family. Sick kids, work stress and no one to help.

Wordless

http://65redroses.livejournal.com

I am an organ donor. Are you?

Truth or Myth?

Oh My

Today has been such a good day.

I felt physically good for the first time in a long time.

School was good.

Got to hang with my family.

Rehearsal went well.

Practice was great.

I'm tired but it's a good tired. Tired from doing things I love.

Up at 6, Down at 11

I figure I spend less than 1/2 my awake time at work each day. Yet, I allow work to occupy much more of my thought time and emotional energy than that.

I have never been someone that wanted a job that defines me. I'd like to think that I am much more than that.

After being on break for a week, I see that I am allowing myself to be defined by my work. And it's going to stop.

I love what I do. I worked hard to further my education. I believe passionately in what I do. Yet, it is not all that I do. It is not all that I am passionate about.

So, tomorrow, I'm not going to complain about being back at school. I had a lovely break and I'm glad I got some me time. What happens, happens.

Choices

How the hell did I end up living in a town where Wal-Mart is the place to shop?

Rose in a Fisted Glove

Am I living a life that I love?

I ask myself this question all the time. Today, my answer is yes.

Rhymes with Cup-O-Tea

My very own Clapotis. I LOVE IT!

Love Is All You Need

Because really, what else matters?

http://65redroses.livejournal.com/

My Way

I'm having a Veruca Salt moment. I want my way and I want it now.

No, Really, Excuse Me

If you need me to move cart out of the way in Hy-Vee, a simple clearing of the throat or an "excuse me" would suffice. Ramming your cart into my cart until my cart went soaring down the aisle was a little over the top. And then when I apologize for being in your way - I'm still not sure what I apologized for, you verbally assaulted me.

And here's what I have to say to you....

You must really be in a lot of pain and turmoil to treat a complete stranger that way. I am so sorry to have been another added frustration to your day. And...screw you. No really, screw you.

OK

My oldest was in a wreck today.

He's ok.

His car, not so ok.

But, he's ok.

And that is all that matters.

Imagine

I can only imagine what it will be like. When we start loving each other - with no thought to who you belong to - who you are.

It's so easy to shoot holes in the dreams of dreamers. And I challenge those with the guns... what are you dreaming of? What are you working for?

When did you last hold a baby? When did you last stop and listen to what you are hearing?

I'm not the only one...

Surrounded

Sometimes, I realize I have surrounded myself with people I love.

My Famous Love

Growing up I was sure I was going to be famous. I envisioned myself as either a star of the stage or music scene. I worked toward my goals by taking dance, acting, voice and piano lessons. I auditioned for numerous plays (and got a lot of parts), played in different bands and worked hard on perfecting my "craft".

When I met my husband, my biological clock started clicking so loudly, it totally derailed my vision of my future. I abandoned my dreams of super stardom and set my sights on having a family with this man.

I really didn't have any idea how to make a family or marriage work. My own parents were divorced and while they were married they were very unhappy. My grandparents had had a happy marriage but having viewed this relationship as a child, I wasn't sure I had made things look better than they actually were.

Twenty years later, this man and I are married. Still. My marriage has lasted longer than my parents marriage by 4 years. We have three wonderful sons that were very much wished for, and hoped for and prayed for. Our marriage has gone through some very difficult times ~ try raising three sons while your husband works full time, goes to college full time all while you work full time. But mostly, our marriage has been full of wonderful times.

Tonight, when I sat down to write about my upcoming anniversary, I realized that I am famous. I might not be a famous actress or rock star, but I am famous. I am loved, adored and appreciated by my husband 0f 20 years and our three beautiful sons. And that, that, is better than any fame I could have imagined for myself all those years ago.

Every Day

Writers write every day.

I guess I'm not a writer.

What Do You Say?

What do you say when a friend shares what is going on in their life? What do you say?

I know what to say (I know surprise surprise) when it is a happy topic. I'm good with happy. I'm even ok with some kind of problem solving/plan making.

But when a friend tells you their life is falling apart, and I mean a-p-a-r-t, what do you say?

I have no words and I need some.

Letters

The first letter I would like to write is to the bankers that are upset that the public/taxpayers want their money back.

Dear Cheaterpants:

I won't pretend to understand what you've done that makes you deserving of a $700,000 bonus. You see, I'm only a teacher and therefore not smart enough to understand what a great risk you've taken this past year making money for your bank. I don't understand how you used my money, my friend's money and my mom's money to make more money. And now, you are going to get a bonus for making all that money WITH MY MONEY - and your bonus is more money than I will ever make teaching kids to read.

What I am smart enough to understand is that you used my money and now, you don't want to pay me back. You instead want to pay yourself more money - which is really my money and my friend's money and my mom's money.

So, shut your face and stop whining about being a big risk taker and deserving of that money. The only thing you really deserve is a time out for being a cheater.

Sincerely, Rebecca

Make It Up

After 2 snow days, I feel rested and ready to go back to school.

Go ahead and tell me (again) how we have to make those days up.

I. Don't. Care.

Ahhh

Snow day. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Getting Off the Camel

Sometimes, I'm blessed to hear something that speaks so deeply to me - makes me think about my life, where I'm going, where I've come from.

Getting off the camel has a new meaning for me. The Wise Men got off their camels to worship and offer gifts to the newborn King. They then rejoiced with exceeding great joy! Great joy!

Knowing what I know about camels, the Wise Men were probably very relieved just to get off the camel. Camels are smelly, very stubborn and are not especially "nice" animals. Yet they've been used as transportation for many many years. They simply get people to where they need to be. Did the Wise Men enjoy the journey? Was their great joy in simply getting off the camel? Now, I believe it was a little of enjoying the journey and getting off the camel and a lot of rejoicing the newborn King.

I can look at things with exceeding great joy when I choose to enjoy the ride and the journey. I have many camels in my life right now. Some of my choosing, some not. Can I get rid of the camels that are not my choice? That's what I'm going to work through.

I don't like to do resolutions for a new year. Instead, I like to think of things I will change to enrich my life. Looking for camels, and getting off them when I can is something I am going to do this year. And those camels that are necessary... I will use them with exceeding great joy!

Popular

This post is not going to win me any popular votes.

This Christmas was .... in so many different ways. It saddens me to think that a time in my life has passed, never to be recaptured. I guess, if I were an optimist, I would be excited at all the new opportunities and things I can look forward to. But I'm not.

My youngest sister was unable to come home for Christmas. For many different reasons, some real and some imagined, her family stayed put. Now that the big day is over, I'm thinking she was probably the smart one for making this choice.

My other sister and I both went "home" to my mom's house. Excited to see my niece and nephews, off we went... Christmas Eve was fun... ask me sometime about the service I attended with my brother-in-law and sister...

Later that night however, I began to feel small and continue to feel this way. As I watched my sister unpack her children's Santa presents, I started to feel more and more uncomfortable. Sean and I made a decision that this was the year we WERE NOT going to go overboard. We WERE NOT going to buy buy buy just so our kids would get SO MANY PRESENTS THEY WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST CHILDREN ON THE PLANET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, this year, we were very selective and gave them one big thing and a few small things that were well thought out and intentional.

Let's just say that my nephews and niece were THE HAPPIEST CHILDREN ON THE PLANET Christmas morning... at least for a few minutes. And my boys, well, judging by the looks on their faces, they were not among that happy group.

I could write about how our choice was the better one - our choice is helping them grow into appreciative, conscientious men. They don't need a lot of stuff. They won't play with a lot of stuff.

But, I still can't shake that "I'm small" feeling: I'm not as good of a mother/parent - I've made poor choices and that's why I can't afford to buy out the store for my kids - My kids deserve all that stuff too...

Next year, we're staying home.

In a Whisper...

i think i'm done... i think

Bliss & Cheers!

Christmas 09 013
Originally uploaded by murphymomx3

I am really ready for this break. I need time to re-charge and have some quiet time...

I started and finished a sweater yesterday... I think these might be my new favorite things to make! I wonder how many I can finish by Christmas morning?

Hey

Christmas presents bought: 5
Cookies baked: 9 dozen
Church members I would like to punt down the street: unknown at this time

If you don't like something or someone, unless they are doing harm, shut up.

Just shut up.

Hidden Agenda

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Seriously.