Dumped

I've been dumped. Recently I came across some old home videos from when youngest son was 1 1/2. Sean and I watched them in between passing out candy tonight. One was from 1999 on Halloween night.

It made me realize how much my boys have grown and yet how they are still the same. Sean & I are home alone tonight. Oldest is out with his grrlfriend, middle is at a party with his guys and youngest is out trickortreating with his gang.

Thus, my title.

Better

I feel much better today. Much.

I want to put this out there....

I am having a really hard time having a senior in high school aged son. He's ready to move out, move on and I'm not ready for it. I'm having a hard time letting go.

I'm not ready for this at all.

On happier note.... I had a former student call me last night and thank me for being there for him. Wow. And I found out that some special friends are going to have a baby. I am so happy for them and so happy that I can still see miracles happening all around me.

I'm not in a good place right now. I have a lot of heavy feelings and thoughts.

There are several things and people that I want to cut out of my life and I'm not sure how to proceed.

All I know is things can't go on the way they are going right now.

I Wish I Had

I promised myself that I would never (if possible) say I wish I had ______ . For example, I wish I had gone back to school and gotten a masters degree. Or, I wish I had been in a band.

One thing I need to change RIGHT NOW in my life is to make sure my mom knows how much I love her and appreciate everything EVERYTHING she has done for me.

I am so so sad for my co-worker. Her mom is sick and I know that must be such a helpless, terrifying place to be.

At the same time, I'm thinking that my mom could get sick and I would feel scared and sad but also so much regret over our relationship for the past several years.

So, to keep my promise to myself but most importantly because I love her.... I'm going to make sure my mom knows I love her and appreciate her.

I'm going to do it.

Really.

That One

I'm voting for "that one". John McCain called Barack Obama "that one" during the debate on Tuesday night. Michelle Obama said she wasn't offended by this comment.

I think I was offended enough for both of us.

I Hate

I don't want to but I do. I feel sick even typing this.

I hate mean people.
I hate that people don't recognize the pain and suffering that is all around them.
I hate that I do.
I hate that my children get hurt and I can't stop it.
I hate feeling powerless.
I hate knowing that I have hurt people.
I hate knowing that I will hurt someone again.

I hate.

A Mighty Big Bucket

But I don't want to give any money to the assholes that particpated in the criminal acts that got us here it the first place.

I don't want to.