So Very Proud

Knitting Socks

Christmas 2010 was a good one. New phones, new clothes, and first Christmas with my dad since I was in 8th grade!

Knitting socks is my plan for break. Alex really, really wants me to knit him socks so I must oblige!

The Stuff That Dreams...

Tonight was a dream and a prayer come true.

I am so very very blessed. Making music with people, sharing music with kids young and old, spending all day singing, talking about, listening to, practicing music... so blessed.

Is spite of myself, I am right where I'm supposed to be, doing what I was meant to do.

My mom was right.

'Tis the Season

I would love to know why/how all the lights for our Christmas tree magically stop working over the year while sitting in storage.

Honestly

I don't know what is wrong with some people. Their mom's obviously didn't tell them what mine did... if you can't say something nice, keep your f-ing mouth shut. (my mom didn't say the f-word but it needed to be said here)

Seriously.

Answered

My prayer was answered! I am so blessed!

The Joke Is On Me

I knew I would love this new job. I knew it but I know I didn't understand how it might change my life.

I am tired. Bone tired. I am tired from working so hard to herd 90 very bright, very outgoing, very ALIVE high school students every afternoon. I am tired from having 4 rehearsals before school each week. I am tired from play practice every evening until 9ishPM(next week until 10PMish). I am tired from being "0n" the entire day.

What I didn't see coming... I didn't expect to love 6th and 7th and 8th graders with as much passion as I do. They are the start of my day and the zany, creative, inquisitive, funny, curious, appreciative students I have are such a joy!

I also didn't expect to worry and care and fret over my high school students. I had several students struggle with life this week... eligibility, getting kicked out of their home, car accidents, grades, college decisions, and depression.

Tomorrow, I am taking 8 students to a music festival. Six of these students are eligible to audition for the All State Choir. No matter the outcome, they are All State in my heart. I am so blessed to get to be a part of this with them.

All the days and weeks and months that I despaired that I wouldn't ever feel the joy and pain and fulfillment and exhaustion that I feel right now... Silly, silly me.

ARGH!

Just having one of those days. I guess I now understand that "those" days or moments only help me to better appreciate the other days!

5 Minutes

Just wait 5 minutes. Things will be better. And if they aren't, wait 5 more.

Autumn

Fall is my favorite season. Love the cooler temps, chill in the air, color of the landscape, color orange, pumpkin spiced EVERYTHING, and knowing the holidays are coming.

Now that I am older, the one thing about fall I don't like is the political season. How people can call themself a Christian and be so unloving is something I cannot fathom.

Still

lovin' every minute of it!

I have pinched myself and I know I am awake.

It's really true.

I get to play, sing, listen, talk about, teach, think about music all day long.

Woot!

City

This summer, our vacation plans changed at the last minute. We decided to head to Chicago and spend some time with my sister and her family.

We headed to the city the first day there. I used to spend a lot of time downtown when I was a student at Illinois State University. Part of me would love to live there. Another part of me was very grateful to arrive back in Kirksville.

Playing Favorites

Do you have favorites? Favorite food, books, clothes, color, music, people?

What makes these things your favorite? Habit? Familiarity? P0pularity?

I have been in pain this summer and trying to figure out why. Why am I in pain? Why am I sad? Today, I realized it's because I am not a favorite. And it hurts. It hurts to inhale and exhale. I have to be careful to not breathe too deeply or I might crack open.

There are things I could do to make myself a favorite, but I cannot bring myself to do them. It goes against everything I am.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I don't think I've ever done so much laundry in my life! Or cooking! Or cleaning! Or laundry!

Oh my goodness!

When you are playing two different sports in each day, you have to change your shirt 3 times... sweat soaked doesn't even begin to describe how the shirts are coming home! Ick!

And the socks! OMG the socks!

24 on the 24th

Well the test was interesting.

Ethan won 4th place in show me games tennis.

I am cleaning my house... no one is home but me...

School starts in 24 days.

I've got A LOT to do.

Excited doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling.

32

days is a long time to be without a car. Especially when you live in a town without public transportation.

Just sayin'.

Hmmm

I've been busy... I can't wait to felt and line!

5 Days In

Already, this month is looking better than the last.

This month, so far, can just bite me.

No joke

Not even kidding... just washed a pack of gum. Totally my fault too!

For me, Facebook is a great place to make sure you feel worse than you already do.

I have decided I am not good at suffering silently.

Or perhaps I am.

Beautiful

Life is just what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

And who should come to our rescue? Our oldest son, Alex.

Broken down car (twice). Rain/thunderstorm. No mechanics open past noon. One hour away from home. Three families stop on the freeway to help (all Kirksville families)! No yelling. No arguing.

Before you go to sleep, say a little prayer. Every day in every way it's getting better and better.

jlennon - beautiful boy

Mad Hatter

Why is that break has just started and I already feel behind. Hmmm.

I've got lots to do... lots I want to do and lots I need to do. Now that the dust has settled a bit, I am making a plan to get it all done and still have time to just chill.

Family

I love the idea of my family visiting me. I have come to the realization that the actual visit is never as pleasant as I anticipate.

Ugh.

Grateful

I feel so blessed, so lucky, so grateful so...

If you've been praying for me, thank you.
If you've been sending me vibes, thank you.

I believe that if we step out in faith, if we follow our dreams, ask for help, if we put ourselves out there, good things will happen.

Getting this job - getting to work with kids and sing, play and listen to music everyday is a dream come true.

Oh

please please please please please please please please pleasepleaseplease.

Dream Big

I am dreaming big.

I believe that good things will happen for me.

I believe.

Oh

So that's where you've been. Welcome back good news. Welcome back.

Finally

I'm doing it! Woot!

Hey 19

I was supposed to meet you on April 23rd but you were late. I was so anxious and excited to finally meet you, learn your name and get to know you as a person. But you weren't quite ready for the trip.

April 25th, my doctor sent me to the hospital and told me that you were on your way. Many, many, many hours later you decided to make an appearance. 44 and 1/2 hours later to be precise.

Imagine my surprise to learn you were not who we were expecting. All along, we had been preparing for a girl. The nurse told us that, the doctor told us that and your heartbeat told us that. You showed us all that the best things in life are sometime the least expected!

After all, I didn't even know you were to be until you were 18 1/2 weeks along. Again, imagine my surprise!

You see, I had begun to doubt ever having another surprise. I had lost your brother only a year before this and another sibling earlier that year. I think you kept yourself hidden for so long to keep me from worry.

Your name came from a frantic trip to a bookstore on your due date. I had decided, much to your father's chagrin that the name we had picked for a son wasn't the right name. So, off to the bookstore at the mall to pick another name. I know this sounds like there wasn't a lot of thought put into picking your name but that is not the case. Your middle name comes from two of the finest men I have ever had the privilege to know and to call grandpa. Your dad and I both loved our grandpa's and wanted you to carry that love with you. Your first name is a name of greatness. It is Greek in origin and means man's defender, warrior. You my son, are living up to that name. Anyone that knows you or has taken the time to get to know you understands what a warrior and defender of men you are.

I can still see my grandma's face when she first saw you in the airport. She was so excited and proud and in awe of you. She loved you from the moment she knew you.

As for your grandma, my mom... I will never forget the look on her face when she first saw you. All she could say was how beautiful you were. My mom loved being a mom but she is truly in her element being a grandma. You have been such a gift for her life. And the biggest part of that is the hope you brought to her. Hope that her life could once again be happy. Hope in watching you grow and learn and love. You are the best gift I could ever have given her.

I'm so glad we finally got to meet 19 years ago today. You have changed my life in more ways than you will ever know, well at least until you become a dad.

I love you son!

Frat

I want to remember last night so I'm going to write about it...

Deadwood was asked to play for a frat party... something about a Don Ho celebration. We laughed and talked about how starting to play at 10:30pm was going to test our endurance. I took a nap so that I would be wide awake and ready to sing my heart out late into the night, or early into the morning as it happened to be...

It was raining, pouring actually when my husband dropped me off at the frat house. Luckily, I have overcome my fear of going places alone and trying to find people I know when I arrive at the designated spot. Actually, this is a fear I forced myself to work through in college. Long before I knew what cognitive therapy was I was engaging in my own private practice with myself as my client.

Anyway, upon arrival, I found 2 of my bandmates and they showed me where we would be performing. Entering the house was like stepping back in time. The noise, the smells, the mess, the energy, the bodies... none of it had changed.

We had to wait for the band playing before us to wrap up their set. While we waited I spoke with some of the most polite young men I've met in a long time. Two of them were sober working. I didn't know what that meant and they explained that they stayed sober so their friends could get drunk and not have to worry about the cops, noise, or being safe. It was their job to worry and control the crowd.

One young man, Kevin let me use the bathroom in his room when he found out that the bathroom in the commons was beyond use. Kevin, your kindness will not be forgotten!

Once we started our set, the real fun began. The crowd loved us! They danced, cheered, sang along, encouraged, smiled and had such a great time! We played and played and played into the wee hours of the morning.

And today, I fully understand why going to frat parties is best done when you are in your late teens/early twenties. Ü

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

click the link... it's worth it i promise

No Payment, Kiss or Even a Thank You

Ever heard that saying... nothing like getting screwed and not getting kissed, thanked or paid.

I know what that feels like and I am beyond done. You can screw with me but not my family.

Especially not my family.

Poetry Month

In honor of National Poetry Month....

Mother to Son
Langston Hughes

Well, son, I'll tell you:
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair.
It's had tacks in it,
And splinters,
And boards torn up,
And places with no carpet on the floor -
Bare.
But all the time
I'se been a-climbin' on,
And reachin' landin's,
And turnin' corners,
And sometimes goin' in the dark
Where there ain't been no light.
So, boy, don't you turn back.
Don't you set down on the steps.
'Cause you find it's kinder hard.
Don't you fall now -
For I'se still goin', honey,
I'se still climbin',
And life for me ain't been no crystal stair.

Far Away

It's days like these that I so miss living near family. Sick kids, work stress and no one to help.

Wordless

http://65redroses.livejournal.com

I am an organ donor. Are you?

Truth or Myth?

Oh My

Today has been such a good day.

I felt physically good for the first time in a long time.

School was good.

Got to hang with my family.

Rehearsal went well.

Practice was great.

I'm tired but it's a good tired. Tired from doing things I love.

Up at 6, Down at 11

I figure I spend less than 1/2 my awake time at work each day. Yet, I allow work to occupy much more of my thought time and emotional energy than that.

I have never been someone that wanted a job that defines me. I'd like to think that I am much more than that.

After being on break for a week, I see that I am allowing myself to be defined by my work. And it's going to stop.

I love what I do. I worked hard to further my education. I believe passionately in what I do. Yet, it is not all that I do. It is not all that I am passionate about.

So, tomorrow, I'm not going to complain about being back at school. I had a lovely break and I'm glad I got some me time. What happens, happens.

Choices

How the hell did I end up living in a town where Wal-Mart is the place to shop?

Rose in a Fisted Glove

Am I living a life that I love?

I ask myself this question all the time. Today, my answer is yes.

Rhymes with Cup-O-Tea

My very own Clapotis. I LOVE IT!

Love Is All You Need

Because really, what else matters?

http://65redroses.livejournal.com/

My Way

I'm having a Veruca Salt moment. I want my way and I want it now.

No, Really, Excuse Me

If you need me to move cart out of the way in Hy-Vee, a simple clearing of the throat or an "excuse me" would suffice. Ramming your cart into my cart until my cart went soaring down the aisle was a little over the top. And then when I apologize for being in your way - I'm still not sure what I apologized for, you verbally assaulted me.

And here's what I have to say to you....

You must really be in a lot of pain and turmoil to treat a complete stranger that way. I am so sorry to have been another added frustration to your day. And...screw you. No really, screw you.

OK

My oldest was in a wreck today.

He's ok.

His car, not so ok.

But, he's ok.

And that is all that matters.

Imagine

I can only imagine what it will be like. When we start loving each other - with no thought to who you belong to - who you are.

It's so easy to shoot holes in the dreams of dreamers. And I challenge those with the guns... what are you dreaming of? What are you working for?

When did you last hold a baby? When did you last stop and listen to what you are hearing?

I'm not the only one...

Surrounded

Sometimes, I realize I have surrounded myself with people I love.

My Famous Love

Growing up I was sure I was going to be famous. I envisioned myself as either a star of the stage or music scene. I worked toward my goals by taking dance, acting, voice and piano lessons. I auditioned for numerous plays (and got a lot of parts), played in different bands and worked hard on perfecting my "craft".

When I met my husband, my biological clock started clicking so loudly, it totally derailed my vision of my future. I abandoned my dreams of super stardom and set my sights on having a family with this man.

I really didn't have any idea how to make a family or marriage work. My own parents were divorced and while they were married they were very unhappy. My grandparents had had a happy marriage but having viewed this relationship as a child, I wasn't sure I had made things look better than they actually were.

Twenty years later, this man and I are married. Still. My marriage has lasted longer than my parents marriage by 4 years. We have three wonderful sons that were very much wished for, and hoped for and prayed for. Our marriage has gone through some very difficult times ~ try raising three sons while your husband works full time, goes to college full time all while you work full time. But mostly, our marriage has been full of wonderful times.

Tonight, when I sat down to write about my upcoming anniversary, I realized that I am famous. I might not be a famous actress or rock star, but I am famous. I am loved, adored and appreciated by my husband 0f 20 years and our three beautiful sons. And that, that, is better than any fame I could have imagined for myself all those years ago.

Every Day

Writers write every day.

I guess I'm not a writer.

What Do You Say?

What do you say when a friend shares what is going on in their life? What do you say?

I know what to say (I know surprise surprise) when it is a happy topic. I'm good with happy. I'm even ok with some kind of problem solving/plan making.

But when a friend tells you their life is falling apart, and I mean a-p-a-r-t, what do you say?

I have no words and I need some.

Letters

The first letter I would like to write is to the bankers that are upset that the public/taxpayers want their money back.

Dear Cheaterpants:

I won't pretend to understand what you've done that makes you deserving of a $700,000 bonus. You see, I'm only a teacher and therefore not smart enough to understand what a great risk you've taken this past year making money for your bank. I don't understand how you used my money, my friend's money and my mom's money to make more money. And now, you are going to get a bonus for making all that money WITH MY MONEY - and your bonus is more money than I will ever make teaching kids to read.

What I am smart enough to understand is that you used my money and now, you don't want to pay me back. You instead want to pay yourself more money - which is really my money and my friend's money and my mom's money.

So, shut your face and stop whining about being a big risk taker and deserving of that money. The only thing you really deserve is a time out for being a cheater.

Sincerely, Rebecca

Make It Up

After 2 snow days, I feel rested and ready to go back to school.

Go ahead and tell me (again) how we have to make those days up.

I. Don't. Care.

Ahhh

Snow day. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Getting Off the Camel

Sometimes, I'm blessed to hear something that speaks so deeply to me - makes me think about my life, where I'm going, where I've come from.

Getting off the camel has a new meaning for me. The Wise Men got off their camels to worship and offer gifts to the newborn King. They then rejoiced with exceeding great joy! Great joy!

Knowing what I know about camels, the Wise Men were probably very relieved just to get off the camel. Camels are smelly, very stubborn and are not especially "nice" animals. Yet they've been used as transportation for many many years. They simply get people to where they need to be. Did the Wise Men enjoy the journey? Was their great joy in simply getting off the camel? Now, I believe it was a little of enjoying the journey and getting off the camel and a lot of rejoicing the newborn King.

I can look at things with exceeding great joy when I choose to enjoy the ride and the journey. I have many camels in my life right now. Some of my choosing, some not. Can I get rid of the camels that are not my choice? That's what I'm going to work through.

I don't like to do resolutions for a new year. Instead, I like to think of things I will change to enrich my life. Looking for camels, and getting off them when I can is something I am going to do this year. And those camels that are necessary... I will use them with exceeding great joy!