Am I Leaving It All On The Field?

Randy Pausch has passed away. He died last night. I loved his last lecture and in the coming days will listen to it again.

One thing he said really stuck with me... leave it all on the field.

I have, at times in my life, been afraid to do that. Afraid what others will think of me or say about me. Just typing these words makes me see how ridiculous that worry is. People are going to think and say what they want. Big deal.

Many things are changing right now and I am excited about the changes. I can see with some clarity this morning that change often brings about very good things.

Randy Pausch spoke about achieving your childhood dreams. This week while I'm on vacation, I am going to make a list and see where I'm at with my dreams.

Busy Week

Between football camp, soccer camp and job hunting... I'm pooped.

I had a work meeting this morning and another one this afternoon. Things are changing in the area of PD and our focus. I'm excited about where this will take my district.

Is it sick to say I'm looking forward to this school year?

Blackout

What a fantastic time I had doing Into the Woods. I love love love doing theater for a variety of reasons.

I love being on stage and becoming a character.
I love being around other theater people. They are so accepting and true.
I love making people smile. And think. And sometimes cry.
I love learning something about myself everytime I do a show.

He's Home

and he's safe! My BIL Liam is home from Iraq for 18 days. He called me yesterday afternoon. It was SO good to hear his voice and hear how good he sounds.

We'll get to see him hopefully early next week!

Klutz

I am a klutz. I tripped last night and knocked over a can of paint that proceeded to spill all over the concrete floor.

I should have stayed home.

And a good time

was had by all.

This weekend has been a blast. My sister came over and we spent the afternoon hanging out with people from the cast of Into the Woods. Then we went to a friends house for supper and fireworks. My husband LOVES fireworks and gets such a blast out of putting on a show it makes me happy watching him be so happy.

Yesterday, I helped my friend make costumes for the show. Alex came with and it was fun to hang out together. It makes me sad when I think about him being a senior so I try not to think about it much.(denial can be a great thing)

Today, I'm working on getting my lines down and making my cropped cardigan. I love knitting and I'm so glad I can make things to share with others. I want to find a nice yarn shop while I'm on vacation. I am on the hunt for yarn for my nieces sweater and some sock yarn for myself.

And the fun begins!

I slept until 8:30 this morning. I haven't slept that late for years. I can't even remember.....

I feel so relaxed and so happy to be home.

Diagraphs and Blends

I spent the month of June teaching a student(2 actually) all about diagraphs and blends. I am pleased with their progress and take pride in my part of the process.

Only 2 more days and the summer is all mine.

Summer School

5 more days and it's over.

And I am ready.

Today

I gave my husband a disc golf set for Father's Day. He is also getting a new gadget from the boys, but this gift, was from me. He took our two youngest sons to try it out this afternoon and they had a great time. When I got home from play practice, I heard all about throwing the discs, hopping the creek and how much they all improved their throws.

My husband grew up without a father. Well, he had a father but he wasn't a dad. His father drank(still does) and was not nurturing or a good role model. My husband is a wonderful father and a fantastic dad. Sure at times he drives me crazy (not is a love song kind-of-way, just crazy crazy) but he is a good dad. My boys are SO lucky to have him as their father and they don't even know it.

But I do.

My Friend Molly

My friend Molly got married today. Her wedding was heartfelt and full of joy. She asked me several months ago to play guitar during her wedding and I was honored to do so.

It is days like today that I am so glad my husband and I moved back to the midwest where we can know our neighbors and feel a connection with people. I loved my time out west and wouldn't trade it for the world. But I am very grateful to be where I am right now.

My 2 oldest boys stayed at the reception with me. I loved talking and dancing(!!) with both of them. They both brought me cake (with a fork!) and made the evening extra special.

There are days when I wonder why I am where I am and why I'm doing what I'm doing. Today, I know why.

Fit

Our new Wii Fit is quickly becoming my best friend. I love all the features and feel motivated to use it each day.

Those Nintendo guys really know what they're doing.

I caught him in my garden in the autumn one night.

He was robbing me.....

Ack! I'm the witch in 4 weeks! FOUR WEEKS!

My Mom

My mom retired yesterday. She has taught for 44 years.

44 years. That simply amazes me.

What is even more amazing, she wasn't really ready to retire. She said she really wanted to go one more year. You see, she still loves going to work/school/her job everyday. Still. loves. it. everyday.

Most people don't even like their job/career. My mom loves hers and was always excited to go.

My sisters and I are having a party for my mom in June. She initally wasn't sure about having a party but I insisted. Here's why... My mom wrote her friends obituary a few years ago when he passed. It was eloquent and thoughtful, full of spirit and heartfelt words. I only wished he could have heard what she had to say about him, what everyone had to say. My hope for this party is my mom will hear from people how much she has meant to them, how much she has touched them. That the world is a better place because my mom woke up happy and spent her days with teenagers talking with them about the world and what they can do to change it.

Most people complain about the world and its problems. I am proud to say my mom is one person who talked the talk and walked the walk for 44 years.

BS

The older I get, the less tolerance I have for BS. Of. any. kind.

Retired

My mentor retired yesterday. She was someone I looked to for support, guidance, advice and most importantly, friendship.

My work life will never be the same.

Sometimes

I feel like I'm still in middle school.

Middle school, which was junior high back when I was in school, sucked. I didn't get most of what my peers were talking about .... tv shows, teen idols, etc etc etc. This not getting it sometimes left me feeling sad and frustrated while at other times, smug. Smug because I didn't watch the "crap" shows my peers were watching or listen to the teen beat music my peers listened to. I also didn't get caught up in the who was friends with who (today). No no no, I was different.

Smug is defined as... adjective, smug·ger, smug·gest.
1.
contentedly confident of one's ability, superiority, or correctness; complacent.

So instead of feeling sad/frustrated/less then, I felt superior and confident? While I wouldn't say confident, I did feel somewhat superior. I felt more grown up in that I intereacted more with adults and listened to music that adults listened to and read books that adults read.

So why do I feel like I'm still in middle school? Now instead of feeling smug, I mostly feel confused and left out. I still don't understand why some people are liked and others are not. Most of the time, the people I really like, really connect with, are not viewed as being "in". I continue to not understand most of my peers, especially the parents of my sons classmates.

I am slowly and painfully coming to the realization that I will never fit in with them nor will they ever like me. Most days I'm ok with that. But some days, the unease I feel is palpable.
1.
readily or plainly seen, heard, perceived, etc.; obvious; evident: a palpable lie; palpable absurdity.
2.
capable of being touched or felt; tangible.

I'm working on finding my smug.

My Birthday

I had the best day yesterday. Every few years, my birthday coincides with Mother's Day, and yesterday was one of those days.

After having a terrible argument with my husband Saturday night(can you say I am a hormonal bitch), I went to bed feeling pretty down. However, Sunday couldn't have turned out better if I do say so myself.

My oldest son went to church with me and sight read the choir anthem. He didn't even grumble when I woke him up! He blesses me so much everyday and continues to amaze with his loving spirit. My middle boy went with my husband to pick out my birthday/mother's day present. He spent some of his hard earned money on part of my present. He is generous and quick to tell me he loves me and still wants to spend time with me! My youngest son helped vacuum and clean the house. He was impressed with my birthday present and wanted to know when he could use it(typical of a 10 year old I'd say).

My boys(husband included) bought me an iPod touch! It is amazing! Alex helped me load music and Sean got the wireless internet going so we could try out the wifi.

After a meal of fajitas and red velvet cake, I feel into bed and said my nightly prayer of... thank you God for letting me be part of this amazing family.

Baby, baby

My baby is 17 today. Last night was his junior prom. He looked so handsome in his tuxedo. His date wore a darling dress - not to mention her todiefor shoes. At the after prom party, Alex won $100! I told him it was his lucky night.

Alex was a wonderful, easy baby. He slept through the night at a very young age, nursed like a champion and changed my life in so many amazing ways.

He was a happy go lucky toddler and preschooler. Very curious, very engaged in learning and very smart! He taught himself how to read and hasn't quit reading since.

He has not been a big fan of school for many years. We think it's because school is not really made for boys. Being the son of a teacher can't be easy for someone that sees through the BS of the public school system.

As a young man, Alex is very open minded and has lots of ideas and thoughts on a variety of subjects. He is VERY liberal in his thinking and beliefs ( Ü ) and is quick to debate with others why they should be too. He is incredibly musically talented and plays guitar and sings like a man much older than his years.

Alex is happy. He has many great friends and enjoys being alive. He isn't afraid to be himself anexpress his thoughts and ideas. I admire his confidence and determination. I like to think that his father and I have made a good home for him to grow up in. That we let him find out who he is and what that means - that we didn't try to make him into what we wanted.

I am a proud mother. I am so blessed to have had this young man in my life for the past 17 years. I can't wait to see what he does next!

Happy birthday Alex. I love you.

Loving what I do and doing what I love

I experienced pure joy last night. I was singing and suddenly realized how happy and free I felt. After not feeling that way for some time, it was nice to get my mojo back.